he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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