Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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