So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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