Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
