STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
