I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
