Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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