in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
