Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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