i think my mom watched the whole time
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
