Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i think i just lost a toe
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
