So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My dick has a subreddit
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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