She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
