this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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