I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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