you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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