I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
are you so shy because you have an std?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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