i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
