every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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