He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
