A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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