Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
