I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
