I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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