from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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