4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
