her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They took my balls.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
