We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You may now shotgun with the bride
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
