Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
