dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
