dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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