i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
