i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
