I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
