Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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