smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
