I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
