What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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