My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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