your thong is hanging out like whoa
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
