im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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