I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
