you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
