needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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