as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
