tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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