Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
