Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
