i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
