Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
